It’s like, everytime I try to think about where I am in life I get a migraine.
Posted December 8, 2009 at 5:00pm
It's A Cycle
I’m back to my dark moods where I get frustrated because I can’t seem to decipher any sense of direction to how I’m devoting time with my life; the revelation that I can do dog’s work somehow doesn’t give me the enlightenment (or satisfaction) that I’d expected. Shit. Back to square one.
I read Naipaul the other day. That unpleasant man sure writes well.
I think: There is more than one way to be ungrateful with the things God have given. I must have excelled in this.
15 more days until I go to Bali. We will be staying by the river and I will confront these issues thoroughly, write several letters and hope to retrieve some semblance of whatever it is my loved ones find, in their hope for me.
Posted December 7, 2009 at 8:39pm
I’ve been neglecting this blog. A lot has happened. They warned me work was hecitc. A warning wasn’t enough. But I’m getting used to it, in a strange way. Strange because I never thought I’d get used to it. It’s still difficult, taxing and sometimes even a bit tense, but I suppose real experience, like everything else that occupies this existence, comes with a price. This rule applies to most things I realise: If you don’t make a big deal about who you are, things run much smoothly. In any case, I can’t be a baby about it. I still come home to a wonderful environment, an exhausted but welcoming husband, good friends. I was reminded of this more vividly on my 25th birthday last week. It was an intense day at work, followed by kareoke with old workmates, a cake from my boss, a dinner with my husband’s friends then a ‘surprise’ birthday celebration from Fir and Romen. This came complete with the the lounge singer singing happy birthday at KL Hilton! Haha. In between the day was riddled with calls and messages. It’s nice to know people remember you. It’s nice to know you’re not out of touch, just because you’re out of it. Haha. I’m twenty-five now. That’s scary. But why should I be scared again? It’s not the case for most people, but time has always rewarded me. Thank you, God. I am grateful for my friends, for my life, and (eep) the challenges. Dare I be impatient? Hm. Six more days till Phuket. I’ll bring a camera.
Posted November 13, 2009 at 4:04pm
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
If all goes well, I turn twenty-five this week. Got me all nostalgic.
I have had a brief, wonderful life with, I hope, enough lessons learnt to justify more difficult times. I travelled more than some.I have met some astounding personalities. Not wise, but not a child either. Mid-twenties, not early-twenties. The urgency for time better spent is there. The urgency to ask the right questions. I pray God protects those I love, I pray all things earthly and spiritual don’t lose patience with my plain self. I hope my good intentions execute themselves well. I pray I will be good at what I love to do. Then I pray I die a dignified, ready death. Insya-Allah.
I’m getting used to the pressure, I think. As long as I remember the bigger world out there, that an immediate decision changes little but my own peace of mind.
Posted October 28, 2009 at 1:46pm
